you would pick up someone in the library
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
