As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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