so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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