Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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