batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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