we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
