How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
