I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
