When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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