WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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