You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
