Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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