Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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