He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
