apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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