I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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