Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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