He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
