ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
