just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A bitchslap is in order.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
