eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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