i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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