I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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