I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
