Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
