Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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