we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
