farters have to be the big spoon...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
