when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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