Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
