i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this boner is exhausting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
