When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
