Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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