Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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