Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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