Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
