I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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