ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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