you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
