office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
