Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hippo gnu deer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
