he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
