its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
