She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My penis needs a shock collar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
