..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
