she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
