i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
