I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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