i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
