so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
