meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think my moral compass just broke
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